Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Thursday Feb 19, 2026
Thursday Feb 19, 2026
But what if it’s not won’t… it’s can’t?
In this episode, I’m joined by psychologist Dr Carolyne Keenan to unpack Emotion-Based School Avoidance (EBSA) — what it really is, what it isn’t, and how parents can navigate this incredibly complex space with compassion.
In this episode, we cover:
- What EBSA actually means (and why it’s not about defiance or manipulation)
- The difference between “won’t” and “can’t”
- Early signs to look out for (tummy aches, shutdown, irritability, “fizzing” bodies)
- Why children often seem fine at weekends or in holidays
- Burnout in children — and why “push through” can backfire
- The emotional toll on parents (work pressure, guilt, exhaustion)
- Why making home “less fun” is not the answer
- The tension between attendance targets and emotional safety
- How to respond in the early stages to prevent escalation
- The spectrum of EBSA — from subject-specific avoidance to full shutdown
- Practical ways to seek support (schools, councils, local offers)
- Why education is not one single narrow path
If reassurance alone fixed this, EBSA wouldn’t exist.
Sometimes the bravest parenting move is softening, pausing, and prioritising safety over forcing attendance.
About Dr Carolyne Keenan
Carolyne is a Registered Counselling Psychologist specialising in anxiety, family stress, and Emotion-Based School Avoidance. She offers 1:1 support, consultations, and runs a 12-week programme for parents called Survive EBSA.
Carolyne's website: www.carolynekeenan.co.uk
If this episode resonates, please share it with a parent who needs to hear:
It’s not defiance. It’s distress.
No comments yet. Be the first to say something!