Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Thursday Jun 09, 2022
Thursday Jun 09, 2022
The pressure to be perfect as a mother is immense in modern society - no wonder if you feel like you’re not living up to the standards and expectations placed on you to be ‘a good mum’.
In this episode, I speak to Motherhood Studies Sociologist Dr Sophie Brock about how hard it is to be a mother today, as we “can’t self-compassion our way out of structural barriers, constraints, and institutional failings” affecting mothers.
We cover:
- The social construction of motherhood and being ‘a good mum’
- The anger/guilt trap in motherhood
- Maternal regret - ‘shouldn’t have become a mother’
- Putting more pressure on ourselves is counterproductive
- Matrescence - transitional experience of becoming a mother
- Self-compassion can’t stop misogyny or racism
- Steps to let go of motherhood guilt
- Questioning the internalized markers of success as a ‘perfect mother’
- The bar of being a ‘good father’ low, the bar for ‘good mother’ extremely high
- Mummy wars of shaming and comparison with other mothers
- Dealing with judgemental comments for your choices
Dr Sophie Brock provides analysis of Motherhood in our culture, exploring the ways individual experiences of Mothers are shaped by broader social constructs. Sophie’s offerings include self-study courses for Mothers and practitioners, her podcast The Good Enough Mother, and her Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification program.
To connect further -
@drsophiebrock on Instagram and Facebook
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Thursday Jun 02, 2022
Thursday Jun 02, 2022
Accepting help is hard, asking for it even harder. Do you trust that those who offer it to you, actually want you to take them up on it?
What stops you from trusting offers of help?
I recently shared on socials about having gastroenteritis, and my baby too, and linked it to a discussion about asking for and accepting help. On my poll sticker, 80% of you answered that you struggle to accept help offered.
The difficult thoughts and feelings showing up when someone offers to help you come from the inner critic, that mean inner voice you have telling you off for things.
Listen to this short episode to dive a bit deeper into what is behind your reluctance to trust offers of help, and get three affirmations you can use when help is offered and you resist taking it.
I also cover how people pleasing is a part of this too.
To learn more about how to let go of people pleasing in relationships, head to www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/peoplepleasing to take my mini workshop
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday May 19, 2022
Thursday May 19, 2022
Have you lost your temper with your children, having felt a rage you never knew before you had kids? Then feeling intensely guilty afterwards, feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and thinking you’ve failed for getting so angry?
Or you love your child so much, but can’t get rid of those strange thoughts you have popping in about hurting them? What if you would just drop the baby, or hit your child?
If you have experienced this, you might have had ‘maternal rage’ or intrusive thoughts about harm coming to your children. You’re not alone, and shaming yourself for it is only making it worse. Putting pressure on yourself to still achieve and strive like you did pre-motherhood leaves you vulnerable for parental burnout, and more likely to have another episode of rage.
This episode with Clinical Psychologist Caroline Boyd, author of the book Mindful New Mum, may feel triggering for some, so please be aware of the support sources mentioned too.
We cover:
- Pressure on girls to be ‘good’
- Super mum myth, perfect mother myth
- Navigating the highs and lows of motherhood
- Loneliness and isolation of Western motherhood
- Postpartum depression increased due to lockdowns
- Pressure to be perfect and joyful
- Feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and failing
- Allowing new mothers permission for recovery
- ‘Hard to measure’ achievements in motherhood
- Adjust to slower tempo, striving less
- Transition, matrescence
- Maternal rage and what it masks
- Allowing compassion for self
- Unmet needs and being out of capacity
- Stigma of anger in mothers = failing
- Judging yourself for anger intensifies it
- Unwanted intrusive thoughts about accidental or intentional harm of baby
- Support sources for intrusive thoughts and maternal OCD
- Permission to look after yourself means unlearning old beliefs
Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood
by Dr Caroline Boyd
Help with intrusive thoughts can be found at the following -
FREE Pandas UK Helpline (call between 11am - 10pm): 0808 1961 776
http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/
Samaritans: call 24/7 Helpline: 116 123
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday May 12, 2022
Thursday May 12, 2022
Accepting help can be hard. Doing everything on your own is harder.
It's especially hard to ask for help for perfectionists, caught up in all or nothing thoughts about how they must manage everything, always be strong, never show cracks in the facade. Always carry things for others, not letting them carry things for you.
In this short solo episode I will tell you how a broken toe is a sign that I need to accept help, and even ask for it.
In my book, The Lasting Connection, I talk about the five As of allowing compassion to flow in, from others to you.
The five A’s: Aware, Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate, Ask
Drop me an email to info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to receive a free copy of my worksheet about the five A's of allowing compassion to flow in.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday May 05, 2022
Thursday May 05, 2022
So much pressure to be the perfect parent.
Never losing it, always calm and gentle.
This narrative isn't helpful for the modern parent - you haven't failed, you are human!
Our children are the future, the next generation - no wonder we want to do right by them. So how do we nurture their emotional intelligence without breaking under the pressure?
Dr Anne Lane is a clinical psychologist and family therapist. Anne’s new book ‘Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: 5 Steps to Help Your Child Cope with Big Emotions and Build Resilience looks at how our child’s emotions grow and develop and what we can do as parents to support this.
- Children read our emotions and struggle to understand them
- Helping our children to feel safe
- The emotional demand on parents
- ‘Good enough’, not perfect, emotional nurturing
- Give the emotion a space, a voice
- The ‘should’ and pressure to be ‘calm and ‘gentle’
- Using shame to control their behaviour backfires
- Acknowledging emotions softens them
- Balancing fear and courage, anger and sadness
- Compassion for your own emotions
- Five steps to help your child cope with big emotions
1 Aim for simplicity
2 Encourage acceptance
3 Respond with compassion
4 Increase playfulness
5 ‘Contain’ and connect to difficult emotions
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Apr 28, 2022
Thursday Apr 28, 2022
How do you feel about the phrase ‘good enough’?
I’m willing to bet that you don’t like it.
- Because you don’t FEEL good enough
- Because you don’t want to BE good enough – you want to be perfect, amazing, excellent, remarkable and so on.
Listen to the end of this short episode and I will offer you something which will help.
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Apr 21, 2022
Thursday Apr 21, 2022
Are you feeling tired, burnt out and exhausted? Want more energy in your life?
This conversation with Simon Alexander Ong is all about how we can move from burnout and overworking, to living a meaningful life by making our health a priority and using energy management.
Simon Alexander Ong is a personal development entrepreneur, coach and public speaker. His debut book, Energize, will be published by Penguin on 21st April 2022.
- Journey of burnout and overworking
- Health as the first wealth, not a side hustle
- Begin before you’re ready, to gain confidence
- Failure a stepping stone to success
- Mindset of an eternal student, of always learning
- Can’t achieve if burnt out and no energy
- Rewire your energetic state
- “Not to do”list and boundaries
- Making peace with people not liking you
- Shifting thoughts and beliefs, for new actions
- Pronoia - belief that life is working for you
- Disconnecting from work to replenish energy
- Journaling to live with more intention
- The role of rest and silence for creativity
- Energy management, not time management
- Productivity using high energy periods
- Using kindness to manage energy fluctuations
- Negative self-talk as energetic blocks to flow
- Energisers and drains, impacts how we see ourselves
- Lucky breaks come from making good choices
Order Simon's book, Energize, here
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Apr 14, 2022
Thursday Apr 14, 2022
Have you ever freestyled a presentation? Or do you check and check, overprepare, perfect those slides until you feel ‘confident’?
Imagine how much more time and energy you would have, if you allowed for imperfection.
Your performance would improve, as you would be more relaxed and less likely to be overwhelmed and overworked.
Newsflash: If you spend loads of time overpreparing and perfecting a presentation, it may be more of a confidence issue, rather than a competence issue.
In this episode, I use an example of a recent presentation I did about perfectionism, where I consciously didn’t prepare and also embraced imperfections through a mistake I made.
You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
Thursday Mar 31, 2022
Thursday Mar 31, 2022
“I’m not a perfectionist? I’m just ambitious and work hard. True, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted, but I can’t stop because then I won’t achieve anything and feel like a failure.”
I hear these thoughts a lot, about how overworking is seen as a pathway to success and achievement. With fear of failure if we develop self-care and self-compassion, taking a break.
In this episode, I dive into perfectionism, overworking, shame, high standards and fear of failure, and how we experience more joy when living an imperfect life, with a fellow expert on perfectionism: Jennifer Kemp.
Jennifer Kemp is a privately practicing Clinical Psychologist, author, and busy mum, who works with clients who are struggling with perfectionism and the mental health problems perfectionism facilitates and maintains. She is the author of The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism, integrates Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), behavioural, and Compassion-Focused approaches in her therapeutic and consultation work.
We cover:
- Perfectionism as a set of behaviours
- High standards as rigid rules
- Musts and shoulds create pressure
- Fear and avoidance of failing
- Self-criticism for mistakes
- Perfectionistic standards running in families
- Hope that we can change these patterns
- Short term relief vs. long term costs
- Checking and reassurance seeking
- Anxiety about being good enough
- Costs from overworking and avoidance
- Perfect, unattainable goals lead to failure
- Shame drives perfectionism, as discomfort we want to avoid
- Willingness to be uncomfortable with anxiety around mistakes
- Self-compassion as antidote to perfectionism
- Being a recovering perfectionist
- Perfectionism as umbrella to depression, anxiety and eating disorders
- Stepping out of the comfort zone
- Living an imperfect life that matters, following values that light you up
Find Jennifer at https://jenniferkemp.com.au/
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Mar 17, 2022
Thursday Mar 17, 2022
If you want to do good, being overwhelmed by the situation may mean that you do nothing at all.
If you constantly watch the news, you may freeze in anxiety and worry.
Especially considering the impact of two years pandemic on your nervous system.
Don't beat yourself up if you feel numb or indifferent, or so anxious that you can't watch it.
Want to help? Make sure to look after yourself, so you can mobilise what you have.
In this episode I share six tips for how you can cope with uncertainty.
You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media