Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Thursday Aug 18, 2022
Thursday Aug 18, 2022
Stopping when you’re really busy is hard - there is just too much to do! Right?
But if you’re getting overwhelmed, to the point where you’re not actually getting anything done (hello procrastination!), that’s the time for you to take a break. To protect your energy and ultimately also help you reach your goals better when you return from the break.
You’ll be more productive when you are rested, and have bigger impact.
In this short solo episode, I share some vulnerability around how I had to take a break in the middle of launching my new group coaching programme, Burn Bright, as I otherwise would have been replicating old patterns of perfectionism and burnout. I needed some rest and recovery, so I took it, knowing that pushing through is not the answer. It wasn’t easy, I had to set a gentle boundary with myself, like not taking my laptop with me on my holiday and staying off social media.
If you struggle with this, and want to know how to take a break before you break, register for my Masterclass “How to burn bright without burning out” here: https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright/
Email me for more details about my coaching programme Burn Bright - info@thethomasconnection.co.uk
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jul 28, 2022
Thursday Jul 28, 2022
Being a pioneer, doing things differently and breaking the mould of what is expected of you can be linked with both success AND big feelings of worry around failure.
In this episode, I talk to pop princess and coach Harriet Starling, better known as Starling, about how how we can follow our purpose in a sustainable way without the burnout. We talked about how receiving criticism meant she has ‘made it’ - and feeling worthy even when the music industry fed her messages around not being enough.
In this episode, you’ll also hear Starling’s amazing song Every Single Time performed, and understand why it is a mantra for enoughness.
We cover:
- Play is doing something without a desired outcome
- Inspiration to create
- True inspiration is to do things differently
- Passion and multi-hyphenated
- You can’t be two things in a world that wants you
- Owning it, all of you
- Feel liberated to break rules and moulds
- Stage fright and learning to sing
- Change the paradigm
- The power of delegation
- Follow your passion sustainably
- Where focus goes, energy flows
- Receiving criticism means you’ve ‘made it’
- The patriarchal pressure of body image and ageism in music
Find Starling on Instagram: @starlingsworld and her music on Spotify under Starling
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jul 21, 2022
Thursday Jul 21, 2022
If you’re ambitious, like me, you may have a long to-do list and plenty of goals you want to reach.
Being ambitious is fine, I am all for having drive and passion, or a big picture vision you want to fulfil.
In this short solo episode, I talk about the dark side of your drive and ambition – the ways it has a negative impact on you.
I cover:
- Perfectionism as an umbrella term and a set of behaviours
- The clinical problems linked to perfectionism
- how our creativity comes from a place of rest
- how striving for perfect has a negative impact on your wellbeing
- Adrenal fatigue and cortisol
- Being too busy to downregulate the nervous system
- The balancing act between burning bright and burning out
- What’s fuelling your drive for achievement
- Lack of satisfaction or joy from your achievements
- Dopamine and your rewards for striving
- Fear of failure and other fears fuelling your ambition
- The inner critical voice feeding overproductivity
I would love it if you could join me for a free masterclass, “How to burn bright, without burning out”. If you listen to this episode after the 21st of July, still head to the link and you’ll be able to see the replay recording of this live, free training.
Link to masterclass:
Burn Bright webinar opt-in (thethomasconnection.lpages.co)
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jul 14, 2022
Thursday Jul 14, 2022
Too busy for self-care… Too many things on the to-do list… Work is never ending… Dealing with the mental load… No wonder you’re overwhelmed and frazzled.
There are lots of pressures on you, coming from every angle, but there are also pressures coming from within you. Internalised high standards around always achieving more, always doing your best, never cutting corners, never failing.
You may feel like you have tried LOADS of things, and yet still feel stuck in perfectionism, procrastination and overwhelm.
Constantly trying to be productive means you are never switching off, never resting.
In this episode, I share three things which may help you shift out of the overproductivity trap.
I also tell you about my upcoming free masterclass, How to Burn Bright, Without Burning Out.
There’s a reason why you’ve signed up to a bunch of things which WOULD be helpful… if you actually did them consistently – you need clarity as to why you have that pattern, so you can gently choose another way and spend your energy more wisely.
So you can burn bright, without any of the burnout.
Link to my free, live training on the 21st of July:
https://thethomasconnection.lpages.co/burnbright/
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jun 30, 2022
Thursday Jun 30, 2022
Remember trying to turn one of your weaknesses into a strength for a job interview, and casually saying “I’m a perfectionist”, as if it’s a good thing?
You could say that there are a lot of good things which perfectionism can be associated with.
There are also a lot of drawbacks to it, and the same parts of perfectionism which serves you well in life, can also end up costing you your health and relationships.
Tune into this short solo episode about the pros and cons of perfectionism, to see how it affects you, and see if you are striving for excellence or perfection.
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jun 23, 2022
Thursday Jun 23, 2022
Sweet sleep - a good night’s sleep refreshes you, a bad one frustrates you. If you lie in bed tossing and turning, worrying about how knackered you’ll be in the morning without the perfect night’s sleep, then this episode is for you.
I spoke to Dr Guy Meadows about how to get a good night’s sleep, how to stop struggling against ‘bad sleep’, and what to do when you just can’t sleep due to young children or anxious thoughts.
Dr Guy Meadows is a leading figure in the area of chronic insomnia, pioneering the use of
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Mindfulness treatment. He has
worked with thousands of insomnia sufferers over the last 10 years at his
London-based clinic and around the world, and has set up the Sleep School to help
stop insomniacs needlessly suffering around the world. Guy is the author of The Sleep Book – How to sleep well every night.
We cover:
- Insomnia and its causes
- Circadian rhythms, sleep cycles and sleep drive
- Why the world isn’t sleeping well
- Myths around sleep
- The 8h myth
- Deep sleep is the best sleep
- Sleeping through the night
- Sleep helps us be focused, motivated and problem solve
- Biological sleep needs and genetics
- The majority of us wake up unrefreshed
- Deep sleep, light sleep and REM sleep
- Why we sleep, and why we wake
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
- The struggle with insomnia = fight/flight boosts alertness
- Physical/mental aspects of the sleep conditioned response
- Insomnia as a heightened sense of awareness
- The steps to sleeping well
- 1. Accepting the discomfort
- 2. Open to difficult thoughts and feelings
- 3. Live your life to lesson resentment
- Start living a valuable life _with_ insomnia, to feel more content
- The links between sleep and mood
- The science of sleep and the brain
- Changing what you can, accepting what you can’t
- Letting go of the rigid rules around sleep
- The benefits of rest if you can’t sleep
- Quiet wakefulness vs. active wakefulness
- Pause pockets
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jun 16, 2022
Thursday Jun 16, 2022
Have you tried meditation, but can't make it a habit? Do you struggle to 'get it right'?
Over my years of working with high-striving, perfectionistic women, I've found that they often share a pattern of wanting to meditate, but finding it hard to keep up.
In this episode I talk about why that can be, and how you can meditate without making it complicated or difficult for yourself.
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm to download my free guide to taking a break before you break
I'm releasing some slots for 1:1 coaching - for more information, email info@thethomasconnection.co.uk
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jun 09, 2022
Thursday Jun 09, 2022
The pressure to be perfect as a mother is immense in modern society - no wonder if you feel like you’re not living up to the standards and expectations placed on you to be ‘a good mum’.
In this episode, I speak to Motherhood Studies Sociologist Dr Sophie Brock about how hard it is to be a mother today, as we “can’t self-compassion our way out of structural barriers, constraints, and institutional failings” affecting mothers.
We cover:
- The social construction of motherhood and being ‘a good mum’
- The anger/guilt trap in motherhood
- Maternal regret - ‘shouldn’t have become a mother’
- Putting more pressure on ourselves is counterproductive
- Matrescence - transitional experience of becoming a mother
- Self-compassion can’t stop misogyny or racism
- Steps to let go of motherhood guilt
- Questioning the internalized markers of success as a ‘perfect mother’
- The bar of being a ‘good father’ low, the bar for ‘good mother’ extremely high
- Mummy wars of shaming and comparison with other mothers
- Dealing with judgemental comments for your choices
Dr Sophie Brock provides analysis of Motherhood in our culture, exploring the ways individual experiences of Mothers are shaped by broader social constructs. Sophie’s offerings include self-study courses for Mothers and practitioners, her podcast The Good Enough Mother, and her Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification program.
To connect further -
@drsophiebrock on Instagram and Facebook
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Thursday Jun 02, 2022
Thursday Jun 02, 2022
Accepting help is hard, asking for it even harder. Do you trust that those who offer it to you, actually want you to take them up on it?
What stops you from trusting offers of help?
I recently shared on socials about having gastroenteritis, and my baby too, and linked it to a discussion about asking for and accepting help. On my poll sticker, 80% of you answered that you struggle to accept help offered.
The difficult thoughts and feelings showing up when someone offers to help you come from the inner critic, that mean inner voice you have telling you off for things.
Listen to this short episode to dive a bit deeper into what is behind your reluctance to trust offers of help, and get three affirmations you can use when help is offered and you resist taking it.
I also cover how people pleasing is a part of this too.
To learn more about how to let go of people pleasing in relationships, head to www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/peoplepleasing to take my mini workshop
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday May 19, 2022
Thursday May 19, 2022
Have you lost your temper with your children, having felt a rage you never knew before you had kids? Then feeling intensely guilty afterwards, feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and thinking you’ve failed for getting so angry?
Or you love your child so much, but can’t get rid of those strange thoughts you have popping in about hurting them? What if you would just drop the baby, or hit your child?
If you have experienced this, you might have had ‘maternal rage’ or intrusive thoughts about harm coming to your children. You’re not alone, and shaming yourself for it is only making it worse. Putting pressure on yourself to still achieve and strive like you did pre-motherhood leaves you vulnerable for parental burnout, and more likely to have another episode of rage.
This episode with Clinical Psychologist Caroline Boyd, author of the book Mindful New Mum, may feel triggering for some, so please be aware of the support sources mentioned too.
We cover:
- Pressure on girls to be ‘good’
- Super mum myth, perfect mother myth
- Navigating the highs and lows of motherhood
- Loneliness and isolation of Western motherhood
- Postpartum depression increased due to lockdowns
- Pressure to be perfect and joyful
- Feeling like a ‘bad mum’ and failing
- Allowing new mothers permission for recovery
- ‘Hard to measure’ achievements in motherhood
- Adjust to slower tempo, striving less
- Transition, matrescence
- Maternal rage and what it masks
- Allowing compassion for self
- Unmet needs and being out of capacity
- Stigma of anger in mothers = failing
- Judging yourself for anger intensifies it
- Unwanted intrusive thoughts about accidental or intentional harm of baby
- Support sources for intrusive thoughts and maternal OCD
- Permission to look after yourself means unlearning old beliefs
Mindful New Mum: A Mind-Body Approach to the Highs and Lows of Motherhood
by Dr Caroline Boyd
Help with intrusive thoughts can be found at the following -
FREE Pandas UK Helpline (call between 11am - 10pm): 0808 1961 776
http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/
Samaritans: call 24/7 Helpline: 116 123
https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media