Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Thursday Feb 17, 2022
Thursday Feb 17, 2022
Do you frequently jump on things and then overwork yourself, regretting doing this activity?
Ask yourself this:
Is this a wise choice of how to spend my time?
Is this activity driven by my values or by my pressure to achieve?
Is this going to light me up, and refuel me through my passion?
Will doing this drain my energy further, or replenish it?
Can I do a smaller version of this, rather than going all in?
Can I take any shortcuts?
What would it look like if it was easy?
Some of you may know I had my second baby in September, and recorded lots of podcast episodes before that, whilst I was still pregnant.
Instead of jumping into recording lots more podcasts now, I am making some wise choices with my time, taking some shortcuts.
I am still here, you will still get more episodes, but as and when it suits me and my baby.
Do sign up to my newsletter to be aware of when the next episode hits, www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/newsletter
You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 27, 2022
Thursday Jan 27, 2022
Do you experience persistent, or chronic, pain? Or you have a loved one who does? You might know how hard it is to pace yourself on a ‘good day’, overdoing it and then ‘paying for it’ the next day. Especially if you have high standards for yourself, then you may just push through the pain rather than being kind to yourself.
In this episode, I speak to Dr Romy Sherlock about chronic pain and perfectionism, as they often go hand in hand.
Romy Sherlock is a clinical psychologist specialising in working with people with chronic/persistent pain. She spent 8 years leading an NHS pain psychology service and set up Retraining Pain, a multidisciplinary team to help people with persistent pain.
We cover:
- What chronic pain is
- Injury or illness causing pain
- Overprotective nervous system
- Biopsychosocial model of pain
- Life and identity before/after pain
- Changing your relationship to the pain
- Complete recovery vs. Adjusting to it
- More than ‘issues in the tissues’ or ‘all in your head’
- Pain as threat detection
- Making rehab less scary
- The stress and anxiety of pain
- The link between trauma and pain
- Perfectionistic tendencies and self-criticism
- Overdoing and pushing through vs pacing
- Pain experience in women
- Hardwired to want to achieve and fit in
- Feeling like a burden
- Acceptance isn’t resignation
Find Romy Sherlock here: www.retrainingpain.co.uk
Resources mentioned -
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
When The Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté
Living Beyond Your Pain by JoAnne Dahl and Tobias Lundgren
Explain Pain Handbook by Professor Lorimer Moseley and Dr. David Butler.
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 20, 2022
Thursday Jan 20, 2022
Have you ever been told that you have a lot of potential?
That you could ‘go places’? Do big things? Maybe you have big dreams?
Yet you find yourself stuck, not making progress or levelling up like you want to?
When we doubt our own ability, or aim for perfection, we hold ourselves back from utilising our potential.
You then keep yourself small, preventing yourself from getting to that next level that other people think you could reach. How does that make you feel? When there is a gap between what others see in you, and what you see in yourself?
It can be helpful to remind yourself of how others see you, and tune into those kind and supportive cheerleading voices. If you get too stuck inside your own head, you’ll believe what your inner critic says about your ability, and you’ll hold yourself back from utilising your potential.
Try to speak to yourself like others speak to you, reminding yourself of the capacity others see in you.
To learn about the other reasons why you may not be utilising your potential, tune into this short solo episode now!
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 13, 2022
Thursday Jan 13, 2022
What pulls us away from acting in line with our values? Difficult thoughts and feelings showing up, causing us discomfort and leading us to avoid doing things in line with our values. Drinking too much, eating three tubs of ice cream, skipping classes or party invitations – all this avoidance helps us avoid discomfort in the short term, but takes us further away from a meaningful life.
In this episode, I speak to Dr Nic Hooper about how this dance between avoidance and willingness shows up students. If you’re not a student or a parent of a student, this episode is still for you, as Nic shares principles around how us humans can build a thriving life and become unbreakable.
Dr Nic Hooper is an expert in clinical psychology and a senior lecturer at the University of the West of England in Bristol. Nic is also a co-director of Connect, which is an organisation that offers a psychological wellbeing curriculum for primary school children. In 2017, inspired by his students, Nic began to write a book of life advice to his son, Max, which was to be given to him on his eighteenth birthday. Over time, that book slowly transformed into The Unbreakable Student.
We cover:
- Writing a book in a vulnerable way
- Therapists as human beings facing suffering
- The power of sharing personal stories
- The six ways to wellbeing
- Exercise
- Challenge self
- Connect with others
- Give to others
- Self-care
- Embrace the moment
- Thoughts/feelings stopping us from doing wellbeing behaviour
- External validation and being liked
- Values as a guide for behaviour
- Receiving criticism and trusting self
- Ways of managing unwanted thoughts and feelings
- Becoming familiar with discomfort
- Messing up and gentle returns
- Leaving a legacy behind
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Have you set a New Years resolution?
Did you wake up with anxiety on New Years Day? Thinking you need to change your habits, lose that weight, get into shape?
There is so much pressure to be perfect in our modern society.
It’s a new year, but you are STILL you. With all your quirks and imperfections, with all your flaws and mistakes. With your mood swings and your bad habits of reading on the toilet and eating the last of something without putting it on the shopping list.
In this brief solo episode I discuss New Year's resolutions, reviewing some psychological research as to whether they actually work, and how you can set yourself kinder goals.
You are still you, it's time to learn to be okay with the you that you are, rather than trying to get rid of everything about you.
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Dec 16, 2021
Thursday Dec 16, 2021
Becoming a father, a dad, can be a painful experience. One in 10 men experience anxiety or depression within the first 6 months of the birth of their baby.
In today’s society, there is still a stigma around men talking about their mental health, opening up vulnerably about their emotional experience of fatherhood.
In this episode, I speak to Elliott Rae about his experience of PTSD following the traumatic birth of his daughter (trigger warning), and how this led him to his purpose of making an impact around fathers’ mental health, gender equality, masculinity and representing a diverse picture of fathers.
Elliott Rae is the founder of MusicFootballFatherhood (MFF), the parenting platform for dads to share the ups and downs of parenting and promote a positive representation of diverse fatherhood. Elliott’s first book is called ‘DAD: untold stories of fatherhood, love, mental health and masculinity’.
BBC article: ‘I got PTSD after witnessing my daughter’s birth’ - BBC News
Book: DAD: Untold stories of fatherhood, love, mental health and masculinity
www.musicfootballfatherhood.com
Insta: @mffonline_, @iamelliottrae
We cover:
- PTSD from a traumatic birth
- Lack of support for new dads
- Avoiding talking about it
- Accepting what happened
- The need for community groups for dads
- Screening for mental health problems in fathers
- Liberation from toxic masculinity
- “Boys don’t cry” - socialised pressure
- Black fatherhood, diversity and inclusion
- A wake up call around workaholism
- Being present in the moment
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Dec 02, 2021
Thursday Dec 02, 2021
Are you a people pleaser?
Maybe you have heard that term, floating around on social media or maybe someone has said that you are a people pleaser?
This episode is for you if you ARE a people pleaser, or if you LIVE with one.
Being a people pleaser can make you a martyr – looking after other people’s needs and sacrificing your own.
When you silence yourself, not expressing what you really think and feel about things, it damages your relationship, in more ways than one.
You don’t make your partner ‘happy’ if you always do what they want, as an attempt to please them.
Why? Your partner won’t love it, because they end up with an angry, resentful partner with a low sense of worth.
Because they don’t get to fully KNOW YOU – your wishes, urges, fantasies, dreams, wants, and needs.
A healthy relationship is one balancing the needs of both partners.
Tune into this short bite-sized solo episode on any podcast platform.
To learn more about how to stop people-pleasing, to balance your relationship, sign up to my 60-minute mini-workshop here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/peoplepleasing/
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Nov 25, 2021
Thursday Nov 25, 2021
All work and no play, does that bring you joy? In a culture where toxic productivity is praised and rewards you with achievement, it’s hard to stop and appreciate beauty, to find everyday joy.
In this episode, I speak with Tamu Thomas about how difficult it is to let go of toxic productivity, and move towards everyday joy and moments that matter instead. By letting the joy in, we also let the pain in.
Tamu Thomas is a Qualified Social Worker & Somatic Coach. She helps high-achieving women feel emotionally safe so they can recover from toxic productivity & under-living.
We cover:
- Overfunctioning impacts your body
- Somatic coaching, whole body approach
- Conditioned to over-productivity
- Appreciate the joy in every day
- Negativity bias blocking present joy
- Taking care of pain, fear, sorrow
- Toxic productivity and unrealistic expectations
- ‘Hack’s for overfunctioning dismiss humanity
- Showing up for ourselves with trust
- Western culture treating people as machines
- Fight/flight - got to be productive
- Freeze - overwhelmed
- ‘Not enough’ness, proving your worth
- Resistance to slow down, preparing for sleep with bedtime routine
- False sense of control from over working
- Working with yourself, not on yourself - you’re not a project
- Harmony improves productivity in a nourishing way
- Polyvagal theory and feeling safe
Tamu can be found at www.livethreesixty.com and @livethreesixty on Instagram
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Nov 18, 2021
Thursday Nov 18, 2021
What do you base your self-worth on?
If your self-worth is based on achievement, you’ll feel good about yourself as long as you are achieving. If you fail, your self-esteem will plummet.
You may think of yourself as confident in one area of your life, and not in others.
What then happens when you make a mistake in that area?
Inevitably, you will. Your self-esteem and confidence will then come tumbling down like a house of cards, as you have built it on you always achieving high standards and reaching your goals.
In this brief solo episode, I discuss what happens when you attach your self-worth to your achievements, and how following rigid rules sets you up for disappointment.
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Nov 11, 2021
Thursday Nov 11, 2021
Leadership is an important part of every workplace. What sort of leader have you got in yours? If you are in a leadership position yourself, what sort of leader are you, or do you aspire to be?
Understanding the different parts of you at play is important, and can help you understand why you might hold yourself back with impostor syndrome, doubt and self-criticism, thinking you must be an all-knowing guru to provide value as a leader.
In this episode, I speak with business psychologist Wendy Kendall about how we can let go of the guru leader, and make space for people by letting go of power.
In her corporate practice, Wendy has worked with over 3000 global leaders. Wendy founded the training and coaching company Inspiring Psychology Practices where she helps psychologists in private practice create businesses where they feel inspired every day and respond to the string of recent crises.
We cover:
- Creating balance and meaning in work life
- Restorative and regenerative practices
- If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.
- Pressure to be the guru, the expert
- Knowledge and power
- Diversity and inclusion in practices
- Imposter syndrome in female leaders
- Leadership and hybrid working after the pandemic
- Showing care and compassion in leadership, letting go of power
- Internal Family Systems model
- Your inner leadership team, self-leadership
- Regenerative leadership empowers others
- Edge effect abundance and cross pollination
Find out more about Wendy at her website www.inspiringpsychologypractices.com
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media