Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Thursday May 12, 2022
Thursday May 12, 2022
Accepting help can be hard. Doing everything on your own is harder.
It's especially hard to ask for help for perfectionists, caught up in all or nothing thoughts about how they must manage everything, always be strong, never show cracks in the facade. Always carry things for others, not letting them carry things for you.
In this short solo episode I will tell you how a broken toe is a sign that I need to accept help, and even ask for it.
In my book, The Lasting Connection, I talk about the five As of allowing compassion to flow in, from others to you.
The five A’s: Aware, Acknowledge, Accept, Appreciate, Ask
Drop me an email to info@thethomasconnection.co.uk to receive a free copy of my worksheet about the five A's of allowing compassion to flow in.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday May 05, 2022
Thursday May 05, 2022
So much pressure to be the perfect parent.
Never losing it, always calm and gentle.
This narrative isn't helpful for the modern parent - you haven't failed, you are human!
Our children are the future, the next generation - no wonder we want to do right by them. So how do we nurture their emotional intelligence without breaking under the pressure?
Dr Anne Lane is a clinical psychologist and family therapist. Anne’s new book ‘Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence: 5 Steps to Help Your Child Cope with Big Emotions and Build Resilience looks at how our child’s emotions grow and develop and what we can do as parents to support this.
- Children read our emotions and struggle to understand them
- Helping our children to feel safe
- The emotional demand on parents
- ‘Good enough’, not perfect, emotional nurturing
- Give the emotion a space, a voice
- The ‘should’ and pressure to be ‘calm and ‘gentle’
- Using shame to control their behaviour backfires
- Acknowledging emotions softens them
- Balancing fear and courage, anger and sadness
- Compassion for your own emotions
- Five steps to help your child cope with big emotions
1 Aim for simplicity
2 Encourage acceptance
3 Respond with compassion
4 Increase playfulness
5 ‘Contain’ and connect to difficult emotions
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Apr 28, 2022
Thursday Apr 28, 2022
How do you feel about the phrase ‘good enough’?
I’m willing to bet that you don’t like it.
- Because you don’t FEEL good enough
- Because you don’t want to BE good enough – you want to be perfect, amazing, excellent, remarkable and so on.
Listen to the end of this short episode and I will offer you something which will help.
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Apr 21, 2022
Thursday Apr 21, 2022
Are you feeling tired, burnt out and exhausted? Want more energy in your life?
This conversation with Simon Alexander Ong is all about how we can move from burnout and overworking, to living a meaningful life by making our health a priority and using energy management.
Simon Alexander Ong is a personal development entrepreneur, coach and public speaker. His debut book, Energize, will be published by Penguin on 21st April 2022.
- Journey of burnout and overworking
- Health as the first wealth, not a side hustle
- Begin before you’re ready, to gain confidence
- Failure a stepping stone to success
- Mindset of an eternal student, of always learning
- Can’t achieve if burnt out and no energy
- Rewire your energetic state
- “Not to do”list and boundaries
- Making peace with people not liking you
- Shifting thoughts and beliefs, for new actions
- Pronoia - belief that life is working for you
- Disconnecting from work to replenish energy
- Journaling to live with more intention
- The role of rest and silence for creativity
- Energy management, not time management
- Productivity using high energy periods
- Using kindness to manage energy fluctuations
- Negative self-talk as energetic blocks to flow
- Energisers and drains, impacts how we see ourselves
- Lucky breaks come from making good choices
Order Simon's book, Energize, here
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Apr 14, 2022
Thursday Apr 14, 2022
Have you ever freestyled a presentation? Or do you check and check, overprepare, perfect those slides until you feel ‘confident’?
Imagine how much more time and energy you would have, if you allowed for imperfection.
Your performance would improve, as you would be more relaxed and less likely to be overwhelmed and overworked.
Newsflash: If you spend loads of time overpreparing and perfecting a presentation, it may be more of a confidence issue, rather than a competence issue.
In this episode, I use an example of a recent presentation I did about perfectionism, where I consciously didn’t prepare and also embraced imperfections through a mistake I made.
You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
Thursday Mar 31, 2022
Thursday Mar 31, 2022
“I’m not a perfectionist? I’m just ambitious and work hard. True, I’m overwhelmed and exhausted, but I can’t stop because then I won’t achieve anything and feel like a failure.”
I hear these thoughts a lot, about how overworking is seen as a pathway to success and achievement. With fear of failure if we develop self-care and self-compassion, taking a break.
In this episode, I dive into perfectionism, overworking, shame, high standards and fear of failure, and how we experience more joy when living an imperfect life, with a fellow expert on perfectionism: Jennifer Kemp.
Jennifer Kemp is a privately practicing Clinical Psychologist, author, and busy mum, who works with clients who are struggling with perfectionism and the mental health problems perfectionism facilitates and maintains. She is the author of The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism, integrates Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), behavioural, and Compassion-Focused approaches in her therapeutic and consultation work.
We cover:
- Perfectionism as a set of behaviours
- High standards as rigid rules
- Musts and shoulds create pressure
- Fear and avoidance of failing
- Self-criticism for mistakes
- Perfectionistic standards running in families
- Hope that we can change these patterns
- Short term relief vs. long term costs
- Checking and reassurance seeking
- Anxiety about being good enough
- Costs from overworking and avoidance
- Perfect, unattainable goals lead to failure
- Shame drives perfectionism, as discomfort we want to avoid
- Willingness to be uncomfortable with anxiety around mistakes
- Self-compassion as antidote to perfectionism
- Being a recovering perfectionist
- Perfectionism as umbrella to depression, anxiety and eating disorders
- Stepping out of the comfort zone
- Living an imperfect life that matters, following values that light you up
Find Jennifer at https://jenniferkemp.com.au/
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find out more about my upcoming group coaching for women who struggle with perfectionism and not feeling enough by messaging me - www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/contact-us/
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Mar 17, 2022
Thursday Mar 17, 2022
If you want to do good, being overwhelmed by the situation may mean that you do nothing at all.
If you constantly watch the news, you may freeze in anxiety and worry.
Especially considering the impact of two years pandemic on your nervous system.
Don't beat yourself up if you feel numb or indifferent, or so anxious that you can't watch it.
Want to help? Make sure to look after yourself, so you can mobilise what you have.
In this episode I share six tips for how you can cope with uncertainty.
You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Feb 17, 2022
Thursday Feb 17, 2022
Do you frequently jump on things and then overwork yourself, regretting doing this activity?
Ask yourself this:
Is this a wise choice of how to spend my time?
Is this activity driven by my values or by my pressure to achieve?
Is this going to light me up, and refuel me through my passion?
Will doing this drain my energy further, or replenish it?
Can I do a smaller version of this, rather than going all in?
Can I take any shortcuts?
What would it look like if it was easy?
Some of you may know I had my second baby in September, and recorded lots of podcast episodes before that, whilst I was still pregnant.
Instead of jumping into recording lots more podcasts now, I am making some wise choices with my time, taking some shortcuts.
I am still here, you will still get more episodes, but as and when it suits me and my baby.
Do sign up to my newsletter to be aware of when the next episode hits, www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/newsletter
You can email me to find out more about my new group programme at info@thethomasconnection.co.uk
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 27, 2022
Thursday Jan 27, 2022
Do you experience persistent, or chronic, pain? Or you have a loved one who does? You might know how hard it is to pace yourself on a ‘good day’, overdoing it and then ‘paying for it’ the next day. Especially if you have high standards for yourself, then you may just push through the pain rather than being kind to yourself.
In this episode, I speak to Dr Romy Sherlock about chronic pain and perfectionism, as they often go hand in hand.
Romy Sherlock is a clinical psychologist specialising in working with people with chronic/persistent pain. She spent 8 years leading an NHS pain psychology service and set up Retraining Pain, a multidisciplinary team to help people with persistent pain.
We cover:
- What chronic pain is
- Injury or illness causing pain
- Overprotective nervous system
- Biopsychosocial model of pain
- Life and identity before/after pain
- Changing your relationship to the pain
- Complete recovery vs. Adjusting to it
- More than ‘issues in the tissues’ or ‘all in your head’
- Pain as threat detection
- Making rehab less scary
- The stress and anxiety of pain
- The link between trauma and pain
- Perfectionistic tendencies and self-criticism
- Overdoing and pushing through vs pacing
- Pain experience in women
- Hardwired to want to achieve and fit in
- Feeling like a burden
- Acceptance isn’t resignation
Find Romy Sherlock here: www.retrainingpain.co.uk
Resources mentioned -
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
When The Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté
Living Beyond Your Pain by JoAnne Dahl and Tobias Lundgren
Explain Pain Handbook by Professor Lorimer Moseley and Dr. David Butler.
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 20, 2022
Thursday Jan 20, 2022
Have you ever been told that you have a lot of potential?
That you could ‘go places’? Do big things? Maybe you have big dreams?
Yet you find yourself stuck, not making progress or levelling up like you want to?
When we doubt our own ability, or aim for perfection, we hold ourselves back from utilising our potential.
You then keep yourself small, preventing yourself from getting to that next level that other people think you could reach. How does that make you feel? When there is a gap between what others see in you, and what you see in yourself?
It can be helpful to remind yourself of how others see you, and tune into those kind and supportive cheerleading voices. If you get too stuck inside your own head, you’ll believe what your inner critic says about your ability, and you’ll hold yourself back from utilising your potential.
Try to speak to yourself like others speak to you, reminding yourself of the capacity others see in you.
To learn about the other reasons why you may not be utilising your potential, tune into this short solo episode now!
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media