Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Thursday Nov 04, 2021
Thursday Nov 04, 2021
Struggling to slow down, to take a break?
I see people be so reluctant to press pause, that they get forced to come to a full stop when their body says no.
The first step to able to take a break is to realise that you are struggling to do it. Perhaps you are caught up in overworking, living your life in the fast lane?
If you are constantly busy, you may ignore your body’s signals that you need a break.
In this brief solo episode, I discuss overperformance and simple steps you can take to slow down and take a break, before you break.
If this episode has been helpful, make sure to download my freebie, Calm the Overwhelm on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm and work your way through the checklists around signs of overwhelm, steps you can take to slow down and what is getting in the way of taking a break.
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Oct 28, 2021
Thursday Oct 28, 2021
Have you tried to change an unhelpful habit or behaviour, and got stuck? Perhaps you WANT to change and DON’T WANT to change it at the same time, feeling ambivalent and resistant to do something about this problem. Then you beat yourself up for it.
In this episode, I speak to Dr Stan Steindl about compassion and motivation for change.
Dr Stan Steindl is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice at Psychology Consultants Pty Ltd, and an Adjunct Associate Professor at School of Psychology, University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia. He is also co-director of the UQ Compassionate Mind Research Group.
He is the author of three books: Compassion in a T-Shirt (2020), The Gifts of Compassion: How to Understand and Overcome Suffering (2020), and The Gifts of Compassion: Personal Practice Workbook (2021).
We cover:
- Compassion to others, and to self
- Motivational Interviewing (MI) and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
- Ambivalence about changing behaviour
- Arguments for/against changing
- Supporting autonomy to make a choice
- Fears, blocks, resistances to compassion
- Changing alcohol habits with Compassion Focused Therapy
- Rolling with resistance, “yes...but”
- Self-determination theory, not liking being told what to do
- Being helpful, not harmful, to self and others
- The strength and courage of compassion to do hard things
- Giving up self-criticism to self-compassion
- Short-term gain, long-term pain
- Threat system - fight/flight
- Soothing system - calm and controlled
- Setting compassionate intention
Find Stan at www.stansteindl.com
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Oct 21, 2021
Thursday Oct 21, 2021
Do you see the value in going slow? If you don't, it's not your fault.
You may never have been shown what going slow looks like, if you have had a parent or care giver who was constantly on the go, never sitting down to relax. You may then have learned that this is how you must be, to have value and worth.
You may have been praised for doing a lot and being productive, so going slow feels like failing.
You may fear that if you slow down and take care of yourself, you won’t meet your goals.
Maybe you have been criticised in the past, for being ‘lazy’ if taking a break.
Taking a break isn’t lazy - it’s worthwhile because it tells your brain that YOU are worthwhile.
Do you struggle to slow down like this, giving yourself a mindful moment?
You can download my worksheet Calm the Overwhelm on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm which we will also talk more in the next solo episode hitting the podcast in two weeks.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss it!
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Oct 14, 2021
Thursday Oct 14, 2021
Do you work in a toxic workplace? Where you are pushed beyond your limits, rather than being looked after? Where you constantly strive for recognition and yet doubt your own abilities, thinking you’re not good enough? Perhaps you have hit burnout and yet cannot make yourself leave, and think it’s all your fault that you ‘can’t cope’?
In this episode, I explore how the internal pressure we put on ourselves to never fail is combined with the external pressure to perform in toxic workplaces, together with Fiona Kearns. We explore how you can recover from burnout due to toxic workplaces, and regain your confidence.
Fiona Kearns is a Business Psychologist who helps people get rid of self-doubt, own their skillset and feel confident about playing huge in life and work. Fiona is the author of ‘How to Increase your Confidence’ and she specialises in helping leaders fulfil their potential in business. She loves the thrill of helping clients manage their imposter syndrome to become confident, visible and more impactful.
We cover:
- ‘Coping’ with toxic workplaces
- Losing confidence and doubting self
- Recovery and forgiveness around burnout
- Burnout in the working environment
- Managers lacking people skills
- High performance does come from whipping
- Challenges in a toxic workplace
- Scapegoat culture
- Obsession with being busy not focused on wellbeing
- Work wellbeing impacts overall wellbeing
- Women missing out on opportunities
- Dealing with imposter syndrome
- Competence vs confidence
- Quickest route to reclaiming confidence
Find more from Fiona at www.kearnsconsultancy.com
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Oct 07, 2021
Thursday Oct 07, 2021
Do you take the time to show appreciation for your partner, even if you also are irritated with them? Do you practise gratitude and kindness in your relationship?
This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 24 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.
In this last episode based on the book, I cover gratitude and kindness for couples.
Subscribe now to not miss the following solo episodes, focusing on perfectionism, the inner critic, ambition, achievement, overwhelm, stress, productivity, self-compassion and much more.
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Sep 30, 2021
Thursday Sep 30, 2021
Do you feel bad about the way you look? Does seeing yourself in the mirror trigger thoughts like “I’m not good enough, attractive enough, thin enough?”
Do you compare yourself to other people, thinking they look better than you?
You’re not alone.
In this episode, I speak with psychotherapist Holli Rubin about body image, and feelings we have about our bodies, and how unrealistic ‘body positivity’ can be for those with a negative body image.
Holli Rubin is a psychotherapist, body image specialist and mental health practitioner with over 25 years’ experience where she has been commissioned by the Government Equalities Office and is part of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image.
We cover:
- Connection between our physical selves and our emotions
- The lens we view our appearance with
- Body image isn’t vanity
- Feelings about our body aren’t fixed
- Social media/imagery feed our comparison
- Questioning the images we see - retouching
- All bodies have imperfections
- Body neutrality rather than positivity
- Mindset shifts around what our bodies do for us
- Cosmetic surgery and body dysmorphia
- The transmission of negative body image from mother to child
- Embracing changing body shape in pregnancy
Mind guidance on body dysmorphia
Find out more about Holli on her website www.hollirubin.com
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Sep 23, 2021
Thursday Sep 23, 2021
How are you towards your partner when you are running low on energy, feeling depleted? Hardly 'your best self'. Looking after yourself helps look after your relationship too, by reducing reactivity and bringing more calm and connection.
This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 23 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.
In this second to last episode based on the book, I cover self-care and self-compassion as a way to top yourself up, so you can also be there for your partner.
Subscribe now to not miss the following solo episodes, focusing on perfectionism, the inner critic, ambition, achievement, overwhelm, stress, productivity, self-compassion and much more.
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Sep 16, 2021
Thursday Sep 16, 2021
Do you worry that you don’t play enough with your child, or feel bad if playing with them bores you? Or do you play with your children until you’re exhausted, leaving little time for yourself?
In this episode, I talk to Susie Robbins about the importance of play for our wellbeing - both for adults and for children. You’ll get easy tips on how to play without putting pressure on yourself to make it Pinterest Perfect - it is about connection, not perfection, and quality over quantity.
Susie Robbins is an advocate for play. She believes in the power of play to help young children learn, to communicate and to make sense of the world around them. She has seen first hand how activity based learning can create a love for learning and deepen a connection between adult and child.
We cover:
Reengaging disruptive children with activities
Self-worth and pride increasing with play
Supporting learning through play
Social media pressure to play ‘perfectly’
Parents feeling like ‘failures’ in play
Making chores and everyday life into playful moments
Reducing battles through playful games and challenges
5 minute play is enough - time limited play
Connecting through play and shared activity
Alleviating stress/anxiety for adults playing
Play DNA - reignite playfulness from childhood
The pleasure of play protects our energy
Unrealistic expectations on children’s attention span
Sensory play tips
Permission to be a parent, not childcare provider
Facilitating independent play
Find Susie on Instagram at @resolvetoplay and on her website www.resolvetoplay.com
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Sep 09, 2021
Thursday Sep 09, 2021
Have you been hurt by your partner? Perhaps they have made a mistake which you struggle to forgive them for? Or you have messed up and struggle to forgive yourself? Blaming and shaming yourself, or your partner?
This brief solo episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter 22 of my new book, The Lasting Connection, about developing love and compassion for yourself and your partner.
In this third to last episode in the couples series, I cover forgiveness as a way to let go and move forward.
Subscribe now to not miss the last few of the solo episodes focused on couples relationships, before we continue focusing on perfectionism, the inner critic, ambition, achievement, overwhelm, stress, productivity, self-compassion and much more.
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Sep 02, 2021
Thursday Sep 02, 2021
Have you experienced a difficult past? Perhaps you went through a challenging childhood, which has shaped who you are today, and the way you speak to yourself.
In this guest episode, I spoke to Dr Natalie Bodart about to develop compassion for our past, and how we can change the narrative, or story, we tell ourselves about what we’ve experienced.
Dr Natalie Bodart is a clinical psychologist and founder of The Bodart Practice; a holistic psychology practice in London, supporting people in creating a fulfilling life where they feel present and connected again, and to enable people to deal with the past, live in the present, and build the life they want.
We cover:
- Our unique story of the past
- What makes us human
- Challenges as opportunities
- Storytelling and narratives
- Disconnecting from our story creates conflict
- Retelling and healing a traumatic journey
- The meaning of our story
- Fear and avoidance of the past
- Compassion for ourselves
- The reward of not repeating past patterns
- Validating our experience of shame
- Making it safe to talk
- Mind/body connection
- Self-acceptance and asking for help
- Hope as antidote to fear and sadness
- Re-parenting ourselves
Find Natalie at The Bodart Practice
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay