Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Thursday Jan 13, 2022
Thursday Jan 13, 2022
What pulls us away from acting in line with our values? Difficult thoughts and feelings showing up, causing us discomfort and leading us to avoid doing things in line with our values. Drinking too much, eating three tubs of ice cream, skipping classes or party invitations – all this avoidance helps us avoid discomfort in the short term, but takes us further away from a meaningful life.
In this episode, I speak to Dr Nic Hooper about how this dance between avoidance and willingness shows up students. If you’re not a student or a parent of a student, this episode is still for you, as Nic shares principles around how us humans can build a thriving life and become unbreakable.
Dr Nic Hooper is an expert in clinical psychology and a senior lecturer at the University of the West of England in Bristol. Nic is also a co-director of Connect, which is an organisation that offers a psychological wellbeing curriculum for primary school children. In 2017, inspired by his students, Nic began to write a book of life advice to his son, Max, which was to be given to him on his eighteenth birthday. Over time, that book slowly transformed into The Unbreakable Student.
We cover:
- Writing a book in a vulnerable way
- Therapists as human beings facing suffering
- The power of sharing personal stories
- The six ways to wellbeing
- Exercise
- Challenge self
- Connect with others
- Give to others
- Self-care
- Embrace the moment
- Thoughts/feelings stopping us from doing wellbeing behaviour
- External validation and being liked
- Values as a guide for behaviour
- Receiving criticism and trusting self
- Ways of managing unwanted thoughts and feelings
- Becoming familiar with discomfort
- Messing up and gentle returns
- Leaving a legacy behind
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Thursday Jan 06, 2022
Have you set a New Years resolution?
Did you wake up with anxiety on New Years Day? Thinking you need to change your habits, lose that weight, get into shape?
There is so much pressure to be perfect in our modern society.
It’s a new year, but you are STILL you. With all your quirks and imperfections, with all your flaws and mistakes. With your mood swings and your bad habits of reading on the toilet and eating the last of something without putting it on the shopping list.
In this brief solo episode I discuss New Year's resolutions, reviewing some psychological research as to whether they actually work, and how you can set yourself kinder goals.
You are still you, it's time to learn to be okay with the you that you are, rather than trying to get rid of everything about you.
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Dec 16, 2021
Thursday Dec 16, 2021
Becoming a father, a dad, can be a painful experience. One in 10 men experience anxiety or depression within the first 6 months of the birth of their baby.
In today’s society, there is still a stigma around men talking about their mental health, opening up vulnerably about their emotional experience of fatherhood.
In this episode, I speak to Elliott Rae about his experience of PTSD following the traumatic birth of his daughter (trigger warning), and how this led him to his purpose of making an impact around fathers’ mental health, gender equality, masculinity and representing a diverse picture of fathers.
Elliott Rae is the founder of MusicFootballFatherhood (MFF), the parenting platform for dads to share the ups and downs of parenting and promote a positive representation of diverse fatherhood. Elliott’s first book is called ‘DAD: untold stories of fatherhood, love, mental health and masculinity’.
BBC article: ‘I got PTSD after witnessing my daughter’s birth’ - BBC News
Book: DAD: Untold stories of fatherhood, love, mental health and masculinity
www.musicfootballfatherhood.com
Insta: @mffonline_, @iamelliottrae
We cover:
- PTSD from a traumatic birth
- Lack of support for new dads
- Avoiding talking about it
- Accepting what happened
- The need for community groups for dads
- Screening for mental health problems in fathers
- Liberation from toxic masculinity
- “Boys don’t cry” - socialised pressure
- Black fatherhood, diversity and inclusion
- A wake up call around workaholism
- Being present in the moment
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Dec 02, 2021
Thursday Dec 02, 2021
Are you a people pleaser?
Maybe you have heard that term, floating around on social media or maybe someone has said that you are a people pleaser?
This episode is for you if you ARE a people pleaser, or if you LIVE with one.
Being a people pleaser can make you a martyr – looking after other people’s needs and sacrificing your own.
When you silence yourself, not expressing what you really think and feel about things, it damages your relationship, in more ways than one.
You don’t make your partner ‘happy’ if you always do what they want, as an attempt to please them.
Why? Your partner won’t love it, because they end up with an angry, resentful partner with a low sense of worth.
Because they don’t get to fully KNOW YOU – your wishes, urges, fantasies, dreams, wants, and needs.
A healthy relationship is one balancing the needs of both partners.
Tune into this short bite-sized solo episode on any podcast platform.
To learn more about how to stop people-pleasing, to balance your relationship, sign up to my 60-minute mini-workshop here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/peoplepleasing/
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Nov 25, 2021
Thursday Nov 25, 2021
All work and no play, does that bring you joy? In a culture where toxic productivity is praised and rewards you with achievement, it’s hard to stop and appreciate beauty, to find everyday joy.
In this episode, I speak with Tamu Thomas about how difficult it is to let go of toxic productivity, and move towards everyday joy and moments that matter instead. By letting the joy in, we also let the pain in.
Tamu Thomas is a Qualified Social Worker & Somatic Coach. She helps high-achieving women feel emotionally safe so they can recover from toxic productivity & under-living.
We cover:
- Overfunctioning impacts your body
- Somatic coaching, whole body approach
- Conditioned to over-productivity
- Appreciate the joy in every day
- Negativity bias blocking present joy
- Taking care of pain, fear, sorrow
- Toxic productivity and unrealistic expectations
- ‘Hack’s for overfunctioning dismiss humanity
- Showing up for ourselves with trust
- Western culture treating people as machines
- Fight/flight - got to be productive
- Freeze - overwhelmed
- ‘Not enough’ness, proving your worth
- Resistance to slow down, preparing for sleep with bedtime routine
- False sense of control from over working
- Working with yourself, not on yourself - you’re not a project
- Harmony improves productivity in a nourishing way
- Polyvagal theory and feeling safe
Tamu can be found at www.livethreesixty.com and @livethreesixty on Instagram
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Nov 18, 2021
Thursday Nov 18, 2021
What do you base your self-worth on?
If your self-worth is based on achievement, you’ll feel good about yourself as long as you are achieving. If you fail, your self-esteem will plummet.
You may think of yourself as confident in one area of your life, and not in others.
What then happens when you make a mistake in that area?
Inevitably, you will. Your self-esteem and confidence will then come tumbling down like a house of cards, as you have built it on you always achieving high standards and reaching your goals.
In this brief solo episode, I discuss what happens when you attach your self-worth to your achievements, and how following rigid rules sets you up for disappointment.
If you need a self-compassionate break, telling yourself how hard it is sometimes and giving yourself some kindness instead of criticism around a mistake, then you can download a free 4min guided meditation audio on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/break
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Nov 11, 2021
Thursday Nov 11, 2021
Leadership is an important part of every workplace. What sort of leader have you got in yours? If you are in a leadership position yourself, what sort of leader are you, or do you aspire to be?
Understanding the different parts of you at play is important, and can help you understand why you might hold yourself back with impostor syndrome, doubt and self-criticism, thinking you must be an all-knowing guru to provide value as a leader.
In this episode, I speak with business psychologist Wendy Kendall about how we can let go of the guru leader, and make space for people by letting go of power.
In her corporate practice, Wendy has worked with over 3000 global leaders. Wendy founded the training and coaching company Inspiring Psychology Practices where she helps psychologists in private practice create businesses where they feel inspired every day and respond to the string of recent crises.
We cover:
- Creating balance and meaning in work life
- Restorative and regenerative practices
- If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go with others.
- Pressure to be the guru, the expert
- Knowledge and power
- Diversity and inclusion in practices
- Imposter syndrome in female leaders
- Leadership and hybrid working after the pandemic
- Showing care and compassion in leadership, letting go of power
- Internal Family Systems model
- Your inner leadership team, self-leadership
- Regenerative leadership empowers others
- Edge effect abundance and cross pollination
Find out more about Wendy at her website www.inspiringpsychologypractices.com
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Nov 04, 2021
Thursday Nov 04, 2021
Struggling to slow down, to take a break?
I see people be so reluctant to press pause, that they get forced to come to a full stop when their body says no.
The first step to able to take a break is to realise that you are struggling to do it. Perhaps you are caught up in overworking, living your life in the fast lane?
If you are constantly busy, you may ignore your body’s signals that you need a break.
In this brief solo episode, I discuss overperformance and simple steps you can take to slow down and take a break, before you break.
If this episode has been helpful, make sure to download my freebie, Calm the Overwhelm on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm and work your way through the checklists around signs of overwhelm, steps you can take to slow down and what is getting in the way of taking a break.
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Oct 28, 2021
Thursday Oct 28, 2021
Have you tried to change an unhelpful habit or behaviour, and got stuck? Perhaps you WANT to change and DON’T WANT to change it at the same time, feeling ambivalent and resistant to do something about this problem. Then you beat yourself up for it.
In this episode, I speak to Dr Stan Steindl about compassion and motivation for change.
Dr Stan Steindl is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice at Psychology Consultants Pty Ltd, and an Adjunct Associate Professor at School of Psychology, University of Queensland, Brisbane, Australia. He is also co-director of the UQ Compassionate Mind Research Group.
He is the author of three books: Compassion in a T-Shirt (2020), The Gifts of Compassion: How to Understand and Overcome Suffering (2020), and The Gifts of Compassion: Personal Practice Workbook (2021).
We cover:
- Compassion to others, and to self
- Motivational Interviewing (MI) and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
- Ambivalence about changing behaviour
- Arguments for/against changing
- Supporting autonomy to make a choice
- Fears, blocks, resistances to compassion
- Changing alcohol habits with Compassion Focused Therapy
- Rolling with resistance, “yes...but”
- Self-determination theory, not liking being told what to do
- Being helpful, not harmful, to self and others
- The strength and courage of compassion to do hard things
- Giving up self-criticism to self-compassion
- Short-term gain, long-term pain
- Threat system - fight/flight
- Soothing system - calm and controlled
- Setting compassionate intention
Find Stan at www.stansteindl.com
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Oct 21, 2021
Thursday Oct 21, 2021
Do you see the value in going slow? If you don't, it's not your fault.
You may never have been shown what going slow looks like, if you have had a parent or care giver who was constantly on the go, never sitting down to relax. You may then have learned that this is how you must be, to have value and worth.
You may have been praised for doing a lot and being productive, so going slow feels like failing.
You may fear that if you slow down and take care of yourself, you won’t meet your goals.
Maybe you have been criticised in the past, for being ‘lazy’ if taking a break.
Taking a break isn’t lazy - it’s worthwhile because it tells your brain that YOU are worthwhile.
Do you struggle to slow down like this, giving yourself a mindful moment?
You can download my worksheet Calm the Overwhelm on www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm which we will also talk more in the next solo episode hitting the podcast in two weeks.
Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss it!
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media