Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Saturday Jan 23, 2021
Saturday Jan 23, 2021
What makes a relationship last? Basically, if you can own your own stuff, and tolerate your partner's stuff, you've got a pretty good start.
In this episode, I ask 'what is love?' And discuss why love is not enough, you need compassion too, in order to have a strong relationship.
You can expect these special episodes, celebrating the release of my new book, The Lasting Connection, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.
Pre-order my book at Amazon here.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 21, 2021
Thursday Jan 21, 2021
In this episode, two couples experts get together talking about the hardship of having sex after having had kids, with the sleep deprivation, change in roles, breastfeeding, exhaustion and possible resentment getting in the way. Don’t worry, we lift you up by also providing hope around how you can reconnect again sexually, with emotional and physical intimacy.
Catherine Topham Sly is a BCAP accredited counsellor, writer, and speaker who specialises in relationships, and particularly the challenges of staying connected with your partner while raising a family together. A communication and intimacy specialist, Catherine offers research-based therapy, coaching, and online courses, supporting parents to reconnect and stay close after having kids.
We talk about
4:58 Insight and connection
6:33 Physical and emotional intimacy are two sides of the same coin
8:26 Different triggers for sexual desire
10:42 The effects of rejection
11:07 How to break the cycle of rejection
12:26 Avoiding people pleasing
13:43 How much sex are people really having?
15:31 Performative vs connective sex
17:58 Reconnecting after a traumatic birth or the early days of parenthood
19:42 The benefits of reconnecting
21:20 The effect of the coronavirus pandemic on relationships
24:40 Talking about our values
26:39 Advice to expectant parents
28:52 The effects of breastfeeding on libido and intimacy
30:36 Hope for couples who have gone through a long period without intimacy
32:41 Returning to sex
34:26 Getting out of the habit of touching
35:36 Sex doesn't have to be penetrative
36:26 When it's time to go our separate ways
38:22 Seeking help when it's needed
41:03 Setting good habits in a relationship
You can follow Catherine on Instagram @insightandconnection and on Facebook @insightandconnection
Pre-order my new book on Amazon.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Wednesday Jan 20, 2021
Wednesday Jan 20, 2021
Welcome to the first of 24 short solo episodes of the podcast, to celebrate the release of my new book, The Lasting Connection which will be released on 11th February 2021.
In this episode, I talk about what it means to build a lasting connection, and how I will guide you through the topics covered in the book over the next few weeks.
You can expect these special episodes to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.
Pre-order my book at Amazon here.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Jan 14, 2021
Thursday Jan 14, 2021
In this episode, I talk to Jo Love, an award winning Mental Health Advocate and campaigner. She shares her experience of mental illness including depression, anxiety and burnout alongside evidence-based strategies that helped her recover and go into a career of helping others feel less alone in their suffering.
4:12 Jo's painful story of mental illness
7:12 Suicidal thoughts and postnatal depression
9:09 Realisation and diagnosis
10:12 Going to the GP
12:41 Ongoing recovery - flourishing vs languishing
14:12 Warning signs before pregnancy - type A personality
20:52 Jo’s purpose - post-traumatic growth
24:52 Medication as a sticking plaster or a catalyst
26:00 Jo’s experience with CBT and talking therapy
27:51 The slow sunrise of recovery
29:10 Feeling like herself again
31:12 Figuring out which therapies work best for individuals
33:26 Thoughts that came from depression
35:17 Law and people pleasers
37:12 Re-examining childhood values
41:47 Average equating to failure
44:24 Perfectionism in motherhood - a ‘good enough’ mother
47:07 Holding standards loosely
48:06 Teaching vulnerability to our children
Find Jo at https://www.jolove.co.uk/
And on Instagram @jo__love__ and @therapyismagic
If you have been affected by any of the subjected covered in this podcast, please refer to the links below -
Mind provides advice and support on a range of mental health subjects, and details of local help and support in England and Wales.
0300 123 3393 (weekdays 9am - 6pm)
The Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123
You can find my free download at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Dec 31, 2020
Thursday Dec 31, 2020
2020 has been a tough year, with so much tension on our shoulders.
How much pressure comes from the outside, of furlough and financial strain and loved ones struggling? And how much pressure comes from the inside, adding pressure onto your burden with your own expectations to be perfect?
Pressure to home school perfectly, pressure to get everything done on the to do list despite being demotivated, pressure to get fit with Joe Wicks despite wanting to lie down on the sofa, eating chocolate. Pressure to make the most of the lockdown, learning new things, renovating the house or learning to bake banana bread and cultivate sourdough.
In this episode, I reflect on a few things I have seen in my clinic over the past year, some of the lessons on life and love I have heard my clients come to. The main thing being things being the space to reflect on what really matters when the busyness and engagements in the diary have been dropped.
I have seen clients start to consider even childhood experiences and be reminded of earlier traumas and losses. We are all in a collective trauma, with a universally shared stress response.
We also set up the upcoming couples relationship specials we will be doing on the podcast after this episode, before entering the second season in February.
To release from 2020 and gently move forward into 2021, let me guide you to find what matters to you in this workshop - Lessons on life and love from 2020: https://lessons-on-life-and-love-from-2020.eventbrite.co.uk I am giving away lots of spaces to those in financial hardship from COVID, message me to apply.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Tuesday Dec 22, 2020
Tuesday Dec 22, 2020
In this episode, Dr Rebekah Shallcross and I tackle some big questions – what is the antidote to the oppression of womxn, what is a true ‘choice’ vs what we do because of hitting upon the barriers set up by white heteronormative patriarchy, and how does the pressure of the patriarchy impact womxn’s mental health? Although a tough topic, we also bring some light and humour to this, considering how to break the 'good girl' narrative through allowing ourselves the permission to be non-productive and rest.
Dr Rebekah Shallcross, or Bekah, is a qualified Clinical Psychologist, Researcher and Feminist. In 2020, she founded The Feminist Therapy Centre (FTC) which aims to offer an alternative to main stream mental health practice that is often based from the viewpoints of a white, male, heteronormative majority that dominates the highest positions of power within society, including the field of psychology.
Through her work, Bekah uses a Feminist Therapy theoretical perspective that aims to liberate and empower those engaging with the service at both a personal and social level, both within and outside the therapy setting.
3:45 Why feminism and psychology?
7:35 The antidote to oppression is recognising it
8:05 Internalised patriarchy
9:12 Why the white heteronormative patriarchy is a problem for everyone
10:45 Patriarchy is even bad for men
13:25 Can choice exist when oppression creates so many barriers?
13:55 True choice comes without expectations
14:41 How flexible is flexible working?
18:08 The pressures modern women face
19:23 Structural inequalities in parental leave
20:20 A solution to the problems of shared parental leave
21:15 Becoming the default parent - 'shefault'
25:55 How the coronavirus pandemic has affected women
28:37 Why women shouldn’t need to teach feminism to men
32:20 Avoiding the emotional labour of education
36:05 You don’t always have to be productive
41:29 Bekah’s takeaway for you
Bekah recommended Bear Hebert and Dr. Sarah Coxon during our conversation.
Instagram - @dr_bekah_shallcross
Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media.
Thursday Dec 17, 2020
Thursday Dec 17, 2020
Are you a rule follower? Thinking you 'must' or 'should' do things?
In this episode I consider the ways in which rigid following of self-imposed rules can harm ourselves and others. Then I suggest a loosening of the rules so that they serve you, rather than you serving them.
I also look at whether you have a different set of rules for yourself, than you do for those you love, and what happens to your wellbeing when you have stricter rules for yourself than for others.
Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Dec 10, 2020
Thursday Dec 10, 2020
Do you dream of working for yourself, but procrastinate starting or thinking you won't be good enough?
In this episode I talked to Polly Lavarello about the struggles and benefits of entrepreneurship as a ‘company of one’, and how perfectionism used to hold her back from finding freedom, balance and purpose.
Polly Lavarello is the go-to Facebook Ad Strategist for coaches and online course creators. Also founder of the Launch Pad, an online membership to support female entrepreneurs to promote their online businesses authentically, sustainably and powerfully.
Polly used her experience working in a marketing agency to successfully build her own business from scratch after having her first child, and for the following six years has continued to help other female entrepreneurs to create thriving businesses of their own.
6:28 The change in life balance that comes with motherhood
7:50 Being an example for her children
8:15 Managing the balance as an entrepreneur
9:28 The life-changing influence of community
10:14 Why is it hard to make time for yourself?
12:30 The benefits to being an online business
17:49 Polly's feminist drive
19:03 Struggling with perfectionism
22:42 Pause - planning the month around hormonal cycles
23:25 The mistake of multitasking
24:30 Actually switching off - using do not disturb, nature and cooking
26:13 Moving away from reactive working and setting goals
28:30 Managing mental overload
31:17 Support through coaching and group coaching
39:30 Finding play that suits you
41:28 Polly’s takeaway for you
Instagram: @PollyLavarelloDigital
Website: www.pollylavarello.com
Feeling overwhelmed? Need some easy steps to find calm? You can find my free download at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Dec 03, 2020
Thursday Dec 03, 2020
Do you recognise the signs of overwhelm in your life?
Do you know what to do to slow down?
Do you know what's getting in the way of you taking better care of yourself?
In this episode I explore the physical and mental signs that you might be suffering from overwhelm, and with the help of a visual metaphor, the stress bath tub, discuss methods to cope with stress without reaching the point of overwhelm and burnout. Helping you to follow your ambition without drowning in it.
Find my downloadable resource 'Calm the overwhelm' at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm
I'd love you to join in with my challenge to rush less, pause more, by sharing your photo on Instagram with the hashtag #pausepurposeplaypodcast and tagging me, @the_thomas_connection
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Nov 26, 2020
Thursday Nov 26, 2020
In this powerfully vulnerable and honest episode with Mandy Lehto, we explore the ongoing journey of healing from overachieving and not feeling good enough. Mandy shared her own experience of this work in progress, of trying to no longer base her worth on achievements and praise, and instead on feeling worthy for being who she is, imperfections and all. We explore the signs that her body was saying no to more striving, as well as the wake up call she couldn’t ignore. We finish by thinking about how imperfect people are more likeable and get a deeper connection with others than seemingly perfectly put together people.
Dr. Mandy Lehto is a personal and executive coach and writer in London.
She has a doctorate from Cambridge University, and in her former career, was a Director at a global investment bank in the City.
She has written for, or featured in, Psychologies Magazine, The Sunday Times, Psychology Today, Top Sante, The Huffington Post, eFinancial Careers, and on CNBC.
She’s a recovering overachiever, who’s on a mission to help women to identify less with their doing, and more with their being.
5:15 How striving for worth didn’t serve Mandy
8:03 Over-achieving is the only addiction we get praised for
9:19 Mandy reaches breaking point
11:41 The trap of taking on healing with the same over-achieving attitude
14:41 How Mandy became more aware of her inner critic
15:31 Surrendering to feelings
21:51 Realising that perfection gets in the way of connection
27:01 What would Mandy tell her younger self?
34:53 Avoiding competitive self-care
37:41 How to soothe the inner critic rather than escape it
39:41 Exercise that does suit high achievers
41:46 The changes that middle age have brought about
43:49 Playing through writing
Instagram: @MandyLehto
Website: www.mandylehto.com
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media