Imagine if you could follow your ambition without drowning in it – how much more fulfilling life would be? That’s what Pause Purpose Play is all about – finding balance over burnout by setting you free from needing to be perfect, so that you can take action and get started with what matters to you, instead of getting stuck in procrastination and holding yourself back with self-limiting beliefs your inner critic tells you. In this podcast, Michaela Thomas, Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection, shares bite-sized learning around psychology of performance, habits, self-confidence, stress, anxiety, perfectionism, parenthood and couples relationships. The podcast will mix solo episodes with guest interviews; diving deep into their professional zone of genius and learning about how they have found pause, purpose and play in their life and in their work. My new book, The Lasting Connection, is available now from all good bookshops.
Episodes
Wednesday Mar 24, 2021
Wednesday Mar 24, 2021
What matters to you? In your life and in your relationship?
Are you acting like the person you want to be? And the partner you want to be?
In this episode, based on chapter 13 of my book The Lasting Connection, I discuss values and meaning, and how we can close the gap between our values and our behaviour by making conscious choices to act in line with our values.
Join the waiting list for The Compassionate Couple here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Wednesday Mar 17, 2021
Wednesday Mar 17, 2021
In this episode, I talk about learning to accept the darker parts of ourselves and our partner, learning to be compassionate towards every part of you.
This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter twelve of my new book, The Lasting Connection, where we learn about finding compassion for every one of our selves, and write a letter to our partner, expressing that compassion for every part of them as well.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Wednesday Mar 17, 2021
Wednesday Mar 17, 2021
Have you tried to make changes to your life? Drink less, get into shape, or other things to improve your health? How often have you berated yourself when you can't keep it up, when you fail to reach your goal?
This week, I'm speaking to Shahroo Izadi about how kindness is key to achieving our goals and changing our habits.
Shahroo is a Behavioural Change Specialist, speaker and bestselling author. Her approach is influenced by the experience that she gained working in the addiction treatment field. She has since been dedicated to highlighting what those in long-term recovery from substance misuse can teach the general population about motivation, self-compassion and self-awareness.
Her first book, The Kindness Method, was released in June 2018. She was named as one of Red Magazine's Smart Women of 2018 and selected for Marie Claire’s 2019 verified Power with Purpose List, and in November 2019 she was given the ‘Thought Leader of the Year’ Award at House of Lords. Her second book, The Last Diet was published in the UK in 2019 and USA in 2020.
We talk about:
4:09 Shahroo's mission: The Kindness Method
5:59 Shahroo's weight loss journey
8:34 Accepting natural weight fluctuations
10:30 External validation from weight loss
14:20 Changing your attitude to your body
16:15 Evaluating your emotional toolkit
17:45 The diet industry
18:19 Perfectionism
21:20 Common sticking points over change
24:29 Acting as if you like yourself
26:59 Dealing with our instant gratification world
30:00 Treating change as an experiment
30:47 Creating a path of least resistance for yourself
33:00 Controlling what you can change
34:33 Considering motivation for change
36:12 Creating change in relationships
41:00 Authenticity and vulnerability as practitioners
46:22 Shahroo's take away for you
Find Shahroo at
Website: www.shahrooizadi.com
Email: contact@shahrooizadi.co.uk
Twitter: @shahrooizadi
Instagram: @shahroo_izadi
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Mar 11, 2021
Thursday Mar 11, 2021
Do you get angry? We all do, it's human. If you are hard on yourself for your anger, or want to find ways of relating to your anger differently, tune into this episode with Dr Russell Kolts.
Dr. Russell Kolts is a clinical psychologist and Professor at Eastern Washington University, USA. He has worked with anger issues in combat veterans, sexual assault survivors, children and adolescents, and the developmentally disabled.
In addition to teaching at the university, Dr Kolts runs a practice focused upon mindfulness and the purposeful cultivation of compassion in the Buddhist tradition. He has volunteered at a local state prison where he has worked with prisoners in addressing anger using meditation and the cultivation of compassion.
We cover:
5:30 Compassion focused therapy
6:25 Expressing anger towards people we love
7:57 The compassionate approach to anger
10:10 Avoidance of our problems
12:41 Working with his own anger
13:40 Modelling to our children
15:48 Motivation for change
16:37 Letting go of shame
17:49 Shame vs guilt
18:48 Self-compassion
19:22 The challenge of asking for help
19:50 Why seek a therapist
21:25 Anger directed inwards
22:40 Anger as a secondary emotion
25:05 Compassion towards others
26:27 Russell’s take away for you
Book - The Compassionate Mind Guide to Managing your Anger
Russell’s TED talk: Anger, Compassion, and What It Means To Be Strong | Russell Kolts | TEDxOlympia - YouTube
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, here
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Tuesday Mar 09, 2021
Tuesday Mar 09, 2021
Are you hard on yourself for mistakes you make?
Do you beat yourself up for your shortcomings?
In this episode, I explore why we listen to our inner critic, what function it serves for you, and how we can calm that voice inside ourselves.
This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter eleven of my new book, The Lasting Connection, where we dive deep into how to soothe the inner critical voice, by developing compassion for why you have it, where it has come from and what is protects you from.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Mar 04, 2021
Thursday Mar 04, 2021
Do you take time for you, to nourish yourself as a mother?
This week, I am speaking to Sara Campin. Sara is a mum of two, a personal development coach and founder of Nourish, a new wellbeing app for mums offering bite-sized wellbeing & calm in your pocket.
Sara is a passionate advocate of all things that nourish the mind and is on a mission to empower mums to look after their mental health & wellbeing by making self-care easy and accessible for them. The Nourish app is a curated library of on-demand videos, audios and quick reads across mindfulness, breathing, yoga nidra, psychology and more, all tailor-made for mums by a team of wellbeing experts.
We talk about
3:11 The Nourish app
3:56 Sara's own struggles with motherhood and mental health
7:30 Taking time for yourself
9:44 Sara's ongoing challenges with anxiety
11:31 The impact of perfectionism on motherhood
13:51 Failing at routines
17:45 Creating a safe space to share in
20:26 The effects of the pandemic on mothers' socialisation
22:10 Mothers' mental health and family mental health
24:44 Sara's advice for her past self
28:17 A toolkit for challenging times
29:30 Prioritising self care
36:39 Sara's take away for you
Try the Nourish app at www.thenourishapp.com
IG/Fb/Tw: @thenourishapp
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Feb 25, 2021
Thursday Feb 25, 2021
How connected are you to your body?
This week, I'm excited to welcome Dr Sula Windgassen, who is not only my guest, but also the newest member of The Thomas Connection.
Dr Sula Windgassen works in the NHS as a health psychologist, providing psychological interventions for a range of physical health conditions including IBS, inflammatory bowel disease, multiple sclerosis and painful bladder syndromes. Sula has experienced the impact of persistent bladder and pelvic symptoms herself, and is a passionate advocate for women’s health.
We talk about
4:10 Sula's own health challenges
6:21 The vicious cycle of ill health and mental distress
6:42 Mindfulness
9:14 What is health psychology?
11:29 The bio-psycho-social perspective
14:36 Stress
15:47 Health conditions without 'physical proof'
18:15 IBS and perfectionism
20:30 The brain-gut axis
22:31 Gut intuition
25:59 Boom and bust patterns
29:37 Acute and chronic stress
32:24 Anxiety and mindfulness
24:16 Dealing with discomfort in mindfulness practice
36:24 How Sula pauses
38:00 Shoulds and musts
40:32 Being over doing
Order my book, The Lasting Connection, on my website
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Monday Feb 22, 2021
Monday Feb 22, 2021
In this episode, I talk about the distinction between self care and self compassion, and how we need acts of self-care to be driven by a compassionate motivation in order for them to be helpful, not harmful. Looking after yourself out of fear or disgust is not driven by self-compassion.
This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter ten of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every couple of days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Saturday Feb 20, 2021
Saturday Feb 20, 2021
Are you able to accept help when it's given?
In this episode, I talk about how hard it can be to notice when care and support is given, and how we can be blocked in accepting or even more so, asking for that support. I cover why cultivating an inner mentor can help you become kinder to yourself and others - and allow you the permission to let all that love in.
This episode of Pause Purpose Play is based on chapter nine of my new book, The Lasting Connection. You can expect these special episodes, to appear in your feed every few days, with conversations between me and other couples and relationships experts coming out every Thursday, as usual.
Pre-order my book, The Lasting Connection, here.
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media
Thursday Feb 18, 2021
Thursday Feb 18, 2021
In this episode I speak to Alexander Rozental about procrastination and perfectionism.
Alexander Rozental is a Licensed Psychologist in Sweden, with a PhD from the Department of Psychology at Stockholm University, and he is presently a Post Doctoral Researcher at the Centre for Psychiatry Research at Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm. Alexander has published research and a book on the subject of procrastination and perfectionism.
We talk about -
05:11 How Alexander got into this area of study
05:46 Using CBT to combat perfectionism
07:56 Why do people procrastinate?
09:09 The connection between perfectionism and procrastination
11:50 The effects of procrastination
15:09 A model to change this behaviour
20:01 Using apps to limit distractions
21:20 Goal setting and sub-goals
23:58 Does Alexander procrastinate?
26:27 How procrastination can affect couples’ relationships
28:56 Alexander’s take away for you
Do you procrastinate because you feel overwhelmed?
Download my free guide to calm the overwhelm here:
www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/calm
Find me at www.thethomasconnection.co.uk
Instagram: @the_thomas_connection
Facebook: www.facebook.com/thethomasconnection
Pause Purpose Play Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/pausepurposeplay
This episode was edited by Emily Crosby Media